Honesty Is The Best Policy
by If I Could
Summary: Flynn finally gets Aaron back to his place but will he get what he wants?


**This is my version of what happened between Aaron and Flynn on the day Aaron told Jackson he loved him.**

Aaron gulped down a couple of mouthfuls of lager as he let what Flynn had said to him sink in. Three phrases repeated themselves over and over in his head. "My place isn't far, they won't be in, we could just watch a movie or not." Even he couldn't misinterpret or misunderstand exactly what Flynn had in mind, what he wanted them to do this afternoon. He wasn't surprised really, he knew Flynn liked him a lot but that didn't make things any easier now he was faced with making a decision. They got on well enough, had a good laugh, enjoyed spending time together but what he was asking him to do, well, he didn't know if he could do that with someone who wasn't Jackson. Every day he missed being with him, missed how they used to be together. When he thought about him, he had mixed feelings. On the one hand, he was reminded of how lost he felt without him but, festering away under the surface were feelings of anger towards him too. If only Jackson wasn't so stubborn, so determined to dismiss how he felt and what he wanted, they would still be a couple now but no, Jackson knew what was best for everyone, him included and sod anyone who thought differently. Jackson wanted him to go out and meet new people, Jackson wanted him to go out and have some fun. Well, he'd done that and look where it had got him. Standing here with a decision to make that he really didn't want to have to make. He stole a glance at Flynn who was standing by his side silently drinking his lager and he felt torn. None of this was Flynn's fault, he hadn't asked to be dragged into this mess and now Aaron was going to have to let him down again, or was he? Maybe he needed to do this, sleep with someone else, try to get Jackson out of his system once and for all and accept that it was over between them like Jackson kept telling him it was. Flynn caught his eye and smiled shyly.

"I take it from your deafening silence that that's a no then" he said.

"I didn't say that did I?" Aaron replied.

"No, you didn't say anything at all which is just as good as saying no. Look, if you don't want to, just tell me ok, be honest with me." Aaron looked at Flynn's face. He was kind of cute and he was fit and he did like him and, at least if it did happen, he wouldn't have to live with the memory of the person he slept with after Jackson being some drunken, sleazy one night stand. "It's not that, it's just, well, I told you I haven't done a lot of this before."

"And you think I have? I don't invite guys back to my place all the time you know" Flynn said "It's not me." Aaron smiled at him and in that split second made his mind up what he was going to do. Before he could change it or talk himself out of it, he said "I'll just nip to the loo and then we'll go, alright?"

When they got to Flynn's place, Flynn directed Aaron in to a large living room and told him to choose a DVD while he went to get them both a drink. He couldn't believe Aaron had agreed to come back with him, he'd been fully expecting to get knocked back. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't figure Aaron out. Sometimes, he felt like they were getting somewhere and other times, it was like they were back at square one again. God only knew what this afternoon would be like. It could be brilliant, everything he hoped it would be or it could be a disaster. He handed Aaron a bottle of lager and Aaron in turn handed him a DVD. He put it on and sat down next to Aaron on the sofa. They could both sense the other one's nerves so they sat quietly watching the film, neither really knowing what to do or say next. After a while, Flynn couldn't stand it any longer.

"Well, I'm really pleased I suggested this. It's not awkward at all is it?"

Aaron turned his head to look at him. "Sorry" he said.

Flynn shook his head in exasperation. "Look, let's just forget it, alright, you've obviously changed your mind. You've hardly said two words since we got here and you jump every time I move. You nearly hit the ceiling a minute ago and I was only reaching for the remote" he said standing up to go and switch the DVD off.

"So let me get this straight. You finally get me back here and now you want me to go?" Aaron asked.

"No Aaron, I don't want you to go, I just don't think you want to stay."

"Well, I'm here aren't I? I'm not running for the door. Look, why don't you get us another beer and come and sit back down" Aaron said holding out his empty bottle. Flynn hesitated, then took it and walked into the kitchen. Aaron let out a deep breath. He was getting good at not giving Flynn a straight answer. He wanted to be honest with him but it was difficult when he couldn't even be honest with himself. Flynn returned with a couple more drinks and handed one to Aaron, putting his own drink down on the floor next to the sofa. As he sat down next to Aaron again, their thighs touched. Flynn expected Aaron to move his leg away but he didn't. Aaron took a couple of mouthfuls of lager and put the bottle on the table. He could see Flynn out of the corner of his eye watching him and he decided that it was now or never. As his blue eyes met Flynn's, he knew that Flynn was going to kiss him. He was hoping that it would be horrible and disgusting, that he would hate the feel of someone else's lips on his but, as Flynn pressed his lips against him, he found it wasn't horrible or disgusting and he didn't hate it. There was no familiar scratch of stubble against his face and the aftershave that he could smell was different to what he was used to but he liked it, he liked how it made him feel inside and almost reluctantly, he began to kiss him back. He felt Flynn's arm move and come to rest across his stomach. It felt good to feel arms around him, to be held by someone again and without even realising what he was doing, he moved his arm to hold Flynn too. Flynn broke the kiss and in a quiet voice said to Aaron "Do you want to go upstairs?"

Aaron didn't know whether he wanted to or not. Part of him wanted to stay, part of him wanted to leave before anything else happened and rush back to Jackson but what would be the point? He didn't want him anymore, he'd made that perfectly clear on numerous occasions but Flynn did, Flynn did want him and it was nice to feel wanted again and not rejected. He looked at Flynn and just nodded his head.

It was as they were walking upstairs that Aaron was hit by the realisation that he couldn't go through with it. Every step he took, he became more and more convinced that he shouldn't be doing this: it didn't feel right and it wasn't what he wanted. It was like the brightest floodlight you can imagine had come on in his head and showed him what he wanted and why he wanted it, and it definitely wasn't this. When they reached Flynn's bedroom, Flynn walked in first and sat down on the bed. Aaron hovered in the doorway.

"It's ok" Flynn said "I don't bite, well, not very hard anyway."

Aaron looked at him and shook his head. "I can't do this" he mumbled.

"You what?" Flynn asked in a shocked voice.

"I said I can't do this. I'm sorry, I've got to go" Aaron said turning to leave.

"Oh no you don't" Flynn said sharply "Not this time. If you think you're walking out of here without telling me what the hell is going on in that head of yours, then you've got another thing coming. I'm bored of guessing games, Aaron, I want to know what's going on."

Aaron sighed and turning back to look at Flynn was met with a steely glare.

"Ok you want to know what's going on in here" he said tapping his head, "I'll tell you. I've tried to be what you want me to be, to give you what you want but I can't do it. No matter how hard I try I just can't because it's not what I want."

"But I thought you liked me. I thought we were finally getting somewhere" Flynn said.

"I do like you but just not enough. I'm sorry, alright" Aaron said.

"No Aaron it's not alright, it's far from alright actually. You think it's ok to lead me on like this? I gave you two chances to back out and you didn't take them. Then, we get up here and now you want to bail."

Aaron looked at Flynn's face, Flynn's hurt hidden by his anger. "I don't know what to say to you."

"How about just telling me the truth."

"I can't"

"Well try" Flynn said determined not to make this easy for him.

"Look, I thought I was over him, that I was ready to move on but I'm not. He's in my head all the time. I never thought when I met you that I'd like you in that way and, it's no excuse but I didn't know what to do. I was confused, my head was all over the place."

"You were confused" Flynn said incredulously "you should have been in my shoes. One minute, you're calling and texting me all the time, then when I do the same thing, you get annoyed. We get along great for a while, you relax and we have fun but then I'll see you another time and you'll be like a different person, like you don't want me around you at all. I never knew which Aaron was going to turn up."

"I know, I know and I am really sorry about that. Look, you have to believe me when I say that this is not because of anything you've done or said. You're a really nice guy but…"

"I'm not called Jackson and I don't have a wheelchair do I?" Flynn snapped. Aaron's eyes blazed with anger as he looked at him and said "Don't, just don't alright."

"Don't what Aaron? I'm supposed to just sit here and listen am I while you tell me you want to be with someone else and not get angry or upset. There was never going to be a me and you was there? I was just some sort of experiment for you to test out your true feelings for him. What did you say to yourself, let's see how far I can go with Flynn before I realise I don't want him after all."

"No, it wasn't like that. What sort of person do you think I am? Do you really think I could do that?"

Flynn looked at Aaron with tears in his eyes, his anger now subsided and his true emotions on show. With his voice faltering he said, "What about me, Aaron? What about my feelings or are you that selfish that they don't matter to you?"

Aaron felt sick. He saw clearly for the first time what his actions had done to Flynn, what he was putting him through and he felt terrible. He walked over and sat down on the bed determined to be honest with him. It was the least he deserved. "You might not believe me but I never set out to hurt you or use you. I didn't do this deliberately and I wasn't lying when I said I like you because I do and I'm sorry I don't feel about you the way you feel about me. I tried to forget about him, have a life with me and him as just friends but I can't do it. If something good happens, I want to tell him first, if something bad happens, it's only him I want to cheer me up. He thinks he's doing me a favour pushing me away but he's breaking my heart." Tears trickled down Aaron's cheeks as Flynn squeezed his eyes closed to try to stop his own tears from flowing. He coughed to try to clear the lump that was in his throat.

"Then you have to tell him how you feel."

"He won't listen, I've tried."

"Then make him listen, try harder. Find a way to convince him, do whatever you have to do to get him back. If he means as much to you as I think he does, you'll find a way."

Aaron nodded his head slowly. "Look Flynn, maybe if .."

"Aaron, don't" Flynn said "just don't ok."

Aaron wiped his cheeks with his sleeve before standing up to leave. As he got to the door he heard Flynn call his name. He turned around.

"I hope it works out for you, I really do" he said.

Aaron smiled at him and turned his back on him forever, leaving Flynn to let out the tears he'd been struggling to hold back. As he closed the front door of Flynn's house, his thoughts turned to Jackson and what he was going to say to him, how he was going to convince him that he was all he wanted and all he needed and he knew just how he was going to do it too. He was going to make Jackson listen to him for a change and by the time he was finished, he was going to leave him in no doubt as to exactly how he felt. After all, how difficult could it be to say three little words?


End file.
